Nutrition is Important!

I've suffered from SEVERELY disordered eating since middle school. I'm 25 now, almost 26, just to put that into perspective. I've lived a good portion of my life having an unhealthy relationship with food. I remember being 15, sitting in my room googling the best ways to lose weight. Don't eat more than 1,200 calories, do excessive amounts of cardio, drink a gallon of water every day, drink a lot of caffeine, eat healthy. That last one does have some sound science to it....well, if you actually understand what "healthy" means. To my 15 year old self, this meant eating the same thing every day. Being too scared to deviate from the meal plan that I had created for myself. An apple and a cup of green tea every morning for breakfast. A salad with only vegetables, no meat or dressing. Diet coke. And very small portion of whatever my family made for dinner, but only when I couldn't come up with an excuse not to eat. I became a vegetarian so that I didn't have to eat meat, thinking that it was another way to help cut calories. Now lets add running 6-10 miles a day at track practice. When I wasn't losing weight fast enough, I'd do a day or two of juice fasting or regular fasting. I was miserable, let me tell you. Tired. Irritable. Weak.
As I got older, I got a little better. And by better, I mean, I went back to including meat in my diet. And I definitely had a much higher calorie intake, but I was forcing myself to only eat one meal a day; dinner. This meant going through the rest of the day being so hungry that I would get nauseous, dizzy, and lethargic. At dinner, if I felt like I ate too much, I'd either purge or I'd punish myself the next day, whether it be more excessive exercising or even further starving myself. I limited myself to less than 1000 calories a day.  There was never any health value to anything I ate. I chose my food based on what had the lowest calories rather than providing my body with the nutrients that it so badly needed. At parties or holiday get togethers, I'd binge because let's be honest, I was starving. People would comment on "how much I could eat" without realizing that I had purposefully starved myself and put myself through rigorous workouts the few days prior in order to be able to enjoy the food and drinks that I knew I would be having. No one ever knew that those comments actually hurt me, because it pointed out my lack of self-control and made me even more down on myself than I already was.

Let's fast forward to this past May. I went on vacation that was full of delicious, absurdly unhealthy food, and copious amounts of alcohol. Obviously, I came back from vacation heavier that I had been before I left, and for me, that was the last straw. I had previously been considering getting a body coach because I had these dreams that they would miraculously change my body and that I'd have a reason to even further restrict my diet. I payed for the body coach (see my 8-Week Transformation blog posts) and off I went. Did I lose weight and become instantly skinny and toned? No. Did I actually gain even more weight? ...Yes. BUT! This was by far one of the best decisions I have ever made. The meal plan really made me aware of what I was eating (or lack thereof) and what my body actually needed in order to achieve my goals. This plan forced me to eat healthier, while getting the proper nutrients and macros. The meal plan was limiting and there were times that I deviated from it, but overall I stuck with it. I may have gained a little weight from it, but I honestly gained so much more! By actually taking care of my body, and eating healthy, and eating enough, I was able to make my metabolism so much better. Because of the restrictive diet that I had myself on for so long, my metabolism was shot. Absolute garbage. It's still not 100% better but it is a night-and-day difference. I actually look forward to eating, and it helps knowing that what I'm feeding my body is what my body needs to be fully nourished. To some, it may seem like I am obsessively tracking my food intake, it's actually helped me recover from a state of mind that I have suffered from for a long time. This time, I'm focusing on actually meeting my macros and my nutrient requirements, not focusing on staying under a certain number of calories.

My workouts are better. I have more energy overall. I don't make myself sick from lack of food. I feel comfortable eating multiple times a day. Have I gained weight? Yes! I'm a solid 15 pounds heavier than my lowest weight. But I can honestly say that I'm not anymore miserable that I was before. I gained so much strength, physically and mentally. It's truly amazing what your body can do when you take care of it. For many, their diets are too restrictive, and it's hurting them in more ways than one. I would honestly suggest to talk to a professional health-care worker or even a body coach, because it has completely changed how I see food. I'm both happier and healthier now. I didn't know it then, but I went about it all wrong when I first looked into losing weight. I caused myself years of misery, I crushed my self-esteem, and put myself into such a bad place mentally. If you want to lose weight, there is no quick fix. You need to do it the right way or else it's not going to be maintainable, even if you do reach your goal. And if you're like me, your goal is probably unrealistic, even before you take killing your metabolism into consideration.


**This is clearly only a snapshot of what I went through, and this post, unlike my others, was written as I thought it. There was a lot less editing but it's heartfelt and very real**